Angel Dust
by casdean185
Summary: Destiel/One-shot. Dean is heartbroken about what happened two years ago, and he is left in desperation.


**Angel Dust**

It had been two years since Castiel had left him.

Dean had tried so hard. He would constantly preach to himself that he would never give up. He brought forth any demon that he could; he searched for any angels that he could. None of them had any answers for him. Not even a single clue.

_Where was he?_

Dean couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Castiel was gone.

_Gone._

He didn't understand why in all that was holy God hadn't brought his angel back, he always did before. Hell, Dean even expected his return shortly after the…incident. But he wasn't even in Heaven, or Hell. He wasn't anywhere.

_Two years._

Dean had been driving nowhere for hours; pedal to the floor as his baby sped insanely fast down an empty stretch of road. He didn't even know where he was, or what state he was even in anymore. He didn't care.

It was the middle of the night; the black expanse of the universe stretched in all directions encasing him in what felt like a never-ending loophole. Bright stars were splattered above him, and the waxing moon floated lazily to his right.

But Dean hardly noticed this.

Fingers gripping the steering wheel; making his knuckles white; Dean came to a sudden screeching halt. He turned the ignition off and stumbled clumsily out into the lonely dark field.

_Silence. _

There was nothing around for miles. He had never felt so alone.

Dean fell to his knees in the long grass and stared at the emptiness around him; his gaze finally settling on his knees before him; memories from two years ago flash back through his tattered mind.

_The room was a swirling tornado of oblivion. The cement walls were cracking, everything was shattering around them, and wind blew their clothes and hair in all directions. The searing hot light grew in size as Dean and Castiel looked at each other in fear; knowing that this was the end. Dean had thought they were going to die. Castiel was unable to teleport; the entity blocked off his powers. The sheer force of it was staggering; there was no way to escape. As Dean began to squint his eyes from the blinding light, Castiel rushed in front of him; grabbing both sides of Dean's face. In the heat of the room Dean's eyes grew even wider as he yelled over the noise,_

_ "Cas?" _

_ Castiel stared hard into Dean's eyes; multiple emotions swirling through those large blue orbs; telling Dean everything. Dean was shocked by the immensity of his look as he stared back just as hard; becoming lost in his eyes. It was a knowing look; a look that said 'This is the end. I'm going to die.' _

_ Dean's heart pounded in his chest painfully, and before realization of what he was saying with that look came to be, Castiel leaned in, and amidst all of the chaos; kissed Dean slowly and passionately. _

_ So much was happening at once that Dean threw away any social concerns and kissed Castiel back with fervor; gripping the angel's arms. _

_ So there they were; standing inside of a supernatural tornado; fiery explosions happening all around them; and they kissed slowly. The feel of Castiel's soft lips on his own made Dean's legs weak, and Castiel turned his head just slightly to deepen the kiss. _

_ He felt as if he was floating. _

_ It seemed like everything was happening in slow motion; and for once in his life he didn't know what to do. _

_ Finally as the dangerous light practically filled the entire expanse of the room, Castiel reluctantly pulled back; his eyes locking onto Dean's. Dean stared at him speechless as Castiel shoved Dean down onto his knees and fell to his knees as well. As they stared at each other Castiel released his wings. Dean stared up at them in shock; never seeing them before. The huge black glossy wings lifted and stretched outward filling the entire room. The light behind Castiel increased in intensity, and all he could see was the angel and his glorious wingspan in front of a blinding white back drop. Suddenly he hunched over him and wrapped his arms around him, covering Dean with his body. Suddenly Dean was shrouded in shadow and he opened his eyes to see what the hell was happening. _

_ The amazing huge black glossy wings encased him as the burning bright light finally met its climax. His head was in Castiel's lap as he felt the whole angel cover him protectively. The loud noises soon became one high pitched vibration and Dean gritted his teeth and snapped his eyes shut; yelling,_

_ "Cas!"_

_ And yet for some odd reason he was able to hear Castiel whisper near his ear,_

_ "Dean! I love y-"_

_ Suddenly the weight of his angel instantly disappeared and everything became dark. Dean sat there; curled up in a ball with his eyes tightly shut and listened to the deadly silence around him. _

_ Everything had stopped._

_ The air was still, and nothing was cracking or shattering. All he could hear was the loud thumping of his heart. _

_ Dean slowly opened one eye to see that the room was dark, but he could still see around him; the way the room was before the whole event. _

_ He suddenly remembered his angel and snapped his head up; instantly getting onto his knees. _

_ The next thing that Dean saw he will never be able to forget. _

_ A large ring of ash surrounded him._

_ Dean's heart stopped. His eyes flicked around himself as he began to mumble,_

_ "…No, no, no!" _

_ He looked up and around the room; hoping just for a second that maybe Castiel was somewhere else, and that he wasn't the pile of ash that Dean feared he was. _

_ Dean's heart banged wildly against his chest as he began to panic. He spun around on his knees and his eyes were wide as he fisted and tugged on his hair. _

_ This couldn't be happening. _

_ Dean was too shocked to cry. He was too stunned to do anything. His face was contorted with shock, fear, and sadness as he finally stilled. He stared down at the dark ash; noticing how it was a deep blue color. Dean; his breathing ragged; hesitantly reached out and touched some of the ash. It was soft and felt like rock dust. _

_ Angel dust._

_ As light hit the microscopic granules, a rich blue would appear and then disappear, like it was almost iridescent. _

_ Dean stared wide eyed down at the tiny pile in his palm, and suddenly let out a terrified shriek. _

_ That was the only noise he made._

_ His fist closed over the ash he held as he slowly laid down inside of the ash circle. _

_ He laid there silently on his side as he stared off at nothing. _

As Dean suddenly came out of his thoughts, hard ragged sobs escaped his throat. He covered his face with his hands as he began crying even harder; this was the first time he had ever cried for Cas. It was the first time in two years. He just couldn't hold on anymore.

He couldn't seem to stop himself as more hot tears dripped down his face; he let out a cry of anguish as he suddenly punched the earth. His gaze drifted towards the heavens as he shook in seething rage,

"I never got to tell you! You never even knew!"

Dean began gasping as he sobbed. With shaking hands he slowly reached inside of his brown leather jacket, and pulled out a tiny synched bag. He stared down at it hopelessly; knowing exactly what was inside.

It was all he had left.

He cried out into the night as he held it to his chest; wondering why he was even still alive. He moaned in desperation as he fell to the coarse grass.

He shut his eyes tightly, whispering in between sobs,

"You never even knew." 


End file.
